Becoming Carmen

  BECOMING CARMEN

  The Phat Girlz Club

  Angel Cole

  Copyright © (2019) Angel Cole

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in an information retrieval system in any form or by any means, without prior written permission from the author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination.

  Dedication

  For those who are gone, but have left their imprint, and continue to influence me daily. I remember you in your actions, your deeds, your sayings, your beliefs, and your impact on who I've become. All that I am is not because of you, nor despite you, but because I knew you.

  Contents

  Dedication

  CHAPTER 1

  CHAPTER 2

  CHAPTER 3

  CHAPTER 4

  CHAPTER 5

  CHAPTER 6

  CHAPTER 7

  CHAPTER 8

  CHAPTER 9

  CHAPTER 10

  CHAPTER 11

  CHAPTER 12

  CHAPTER 13

  CHAPTER 14

  CHAPTER 15

  CHAPTER 16

  EPILOGUE

  About the Author

  CHAPTER 1

  Carmen Vasquez sat on the edge of her bed in the room she shared with her two younger sisters. At the young age of ten, sleep should have come easy to her, but as she stared into the darkness, she could not manage to close her eyes. She had been returned home from the police station for over two hours, but even in her exhausted state, she could not sleep. Her grandfather, Alberto Vasquez, was dead. He was murdered in cold blood in front of her by a stranger attempting to rob the family liquor store.

  Alberto Vasquez had immigrated to the United States with his family when he was still a child and had worked many jobs from his childhood to adulthood. He had met his wife and started his family while he worked until he was able to buy what was now the family business. Ever since childhood, Alberto had a strong work ethic and believed in supporting himself and his family. He never lived up to the misconceptions that people had of him- a poor immigrant in search of handouts or free rides. Instead, he worked hard and, as soon as he could, he became a business owner. Robert Vasquez, his only son and Carmen's father, had been in the military when he was killed in action on the field six months after the birth of her youngest sister, Luisa, leaving Carmen and her sisters without a father. Carmen was too young when he died to remember much about him, but she could recall his smiling face and how much he looked like a younger version of her grandfather.

  After her father's death, her family moved in with her grandfather, and Carmen became the unofficial heir to the family business. Alberto began to teach her the ins and outs of running the business from her young age as she was the only person who showed any interest in it. Her grandmother, Lucia Vasquez, had died many years ago from breast cancer so, Carmen always had her grandfather's undivided attention. Every day that the store was open, she would go straight there after school and help her grandfather restock shelves, work the register and clean up at closing. She and her friends had even taken to studying in the storeroom instead of heading home after school.

  Alberto Vasquez had taught his granddaughter how to shoot when she was still young. He always made sure to explain to her the importance of being able to protect oneself and one's family at all costs, but also made sure to instill in her that she should only ever resort to violence in cases of self-defense and never in attack. He emphasized how important this was, especially since she was coming from a family of all girls. He'd always say to her, "Es posible que algún día no esté aquí, Carmenita, y es importante que puedas hacer lo que sea necesario para proteger lo que es tuyo."

  'One day, I may not be here, Carmenita, and you must do what needs to be done to protect what is yours.'

  How true those words turned out to be for Carmen on the day that he was murdered.

  Carmen was shocked at the tenacity with which the law enforcement agents interrogated her and her friends, a group of ten-year-old girls, who were also present at the incident. When it was revealed Carmen was the one who had killed the attacker, the police had questioned whether she needed to shoot the man after her grandfather's death. 'Of course, I did,' Carmen thought. He was a threat to her family, which was the end of the story in Carmen's mind. The question of whether the stranger continued to be a threat after he had shot her grandfather remained. Fortunately, Sherry, Carmen's oldest friend and the one who had pried the shotgun from Carmen's stiff fingers after she'd shot and killed the stranger, had the presence of mind to instruct all the girls to stick to one story no matter how many times they were questioned. She had insisted they could never tell anyone that Carmen had shot the man even after he had no longer been pointing his gun directly at them after he'd shot and killed Carmen's grandfather. As the distraught girls had huddled together in a tight circle, Sherry had quickly and quietly delivered her instructions to the girls before they were all taken to the station, separated, and intensely questioned by the investigators. They were not wrong. They all understood Carmen did what had to be done to protect them, but Sherry stressed they needed to stick to only one story, no deviations.

  Dani had spoken up, her tall and gangly frame bent over to be able to speak to her friends face to face within the circle, "Of course, he was a threat! That's not a lie for me. He just killed Papa Vasquez!" her voice raised and trembled as she spoke, "Of course we were scared."

  "Okay, Dani, that's good," Sherry replied in a calm voice. "That's good, make sure you stick to that. But, remember he was still holding a gun towards us, we thought we were next, and Carmen shot him in self-defense."

  The girls were questioned individually for hours, but they all managed to stick to the same story and were eventually allowed to go home. They were advised that they could be called back to the station for further questioning.

  Carmen felt empty inside. There hadn't been a quiet moment from when the police arrived, and they had whisked them away to the station. But now, she was alone with her thoughts, the grief eating her alive. The house felt still, as if it was holding its breath, even as her mind raced, conjuring the images of the horrific scenes of the two men as they lay dying in pools of their blood. One, Carmen's grandfather at the hands of the stranger, and the stranger at the hands of Carmen herself. Each equally devastating and traumatizing.

  Usually, at this time, her grandfather would be awake in the early hours of the morning, or he would be in the living room, the sound of him snoring away on his recliner carrying throughout the house, or watching the news, the monotonous voice of the reporter filling up the empty spaces. Now, there was nothing. Carmen felt her body begin to tremble uncontrollably. She thought about how the house was never going to resonate with the sounds of her grandfather living again. Reaching behind her pulling at part of the comforter, which was wrapped around her little sister Rosa's legs, to warm her body. She wrapped herself up as best as she could, shaking so hard that her teeth began to chatter. Carmen hugged herself tightly, rocking back and forth. She squeezed her eyes shut, but no tears fell. Her grandfather had not raised her that way. He had tried to make her tough. "Por si acaso." He always said. 'just in case.' Never in her wildest dreams would she have thought that 'in case' would involve his death. She could hear his voice echoing in her ears as if he had just spoken them to her. Behind her eyelids, the image of him lying on the floor of the liquor store was as clear as if her eyes were open. His blood oozed from his body, his breathing slowly thinning out and then ceasing. Lifeless, as if all he had worked and struggled to accomplish to ensure his family's future didn't matter at all.

  She finally felt the sting of tears
behind her eyes as she remembered the look on his face as he died. His empty eyes stared up at the ceiling as he took his last few breaths. Carmen gasped loudly and bent forward at her waistline clutching at her middle as if she had been punched in the gut. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter, but the memory continued to replay itself in her head. She stuffed the edge of the comforter into her mouth to stifle the sounds as the first wave of tears hit her. Her shoulders shook as she silently cried for hours, trying not to wake her sisters.

  When her eyes had finally tired, she closed them against the darkness, willing herself to be okay; if not, then to be tough like her grandfather had taught her to be. When she noticed the sun beginning to rise, its rays streaming into her bedroom window, mechanically, she got out of bed, walked to the bathroom and like a robot, she splashed water on her face. She headed to the kitchen to help her mother prepare breakfast for her sisters.

  "Carmenita?" her mother, Theresa Vasquez asked in a soft voice as she buttered slices of toast, glancing up when Carmen entered the kitchen. She looked down blankly at the bread and continued the motion of slicing the knife through the butter and spreading it across the food. The lack of expression on her face did not skip Carmen's notice.

  Carmen continued to watch her mother in concern when she noticed the thin trail of blood dripping from her mother's hand. "Mommy!" she shrieked, jumping into action, taking the knife from her mother and grabbing a dishtowel from the counter to apply pressure. Her mother briefly glanced at the blood that had dripped onto the countertop, as of it had come from someone else's body.

  Theresa turned to her daughter, tears in her eyes, and spoke softly to her oldest child, ""Estoy bien. No te preocupes por mí." 'I'm fine. Don't worry about me.' She reached out, with her uninjured hand, to touch her daughters face, and stroke her soft hair, "¿Estás bien bebé?" 'Are you okay, baby?'

  Carmen hesitated briefly before answering, not wanting to add to her mother's concerns. Sighing, she answered honestly, too tired to lie, "No, no estoy bien, pero lo estaré, mama. Tengo que ser." 'No, I'm not okay, but I will be, mama. I have to be,' she replied, but even she could hear that she sounded uncertain that she would ever be okay again.

  That day was the first in years, since the day they'd received notice her father had died, that the liquor store did not open for business.

  CHAPTER 2

  From when she was young, Carmen recognized the importance of having good, steadfast friends by her side. Between being the firstborn of three girls and her mother having to take care of them alone, Carmen had more responsibility than most other girls her age. She did not know what she would have done or how she would have survived the past few years without Sherry, Dani, and Nicki. Where other girls their age were engaged in after school activities, Carmen's friends all met up at the liquor store to help in any way that they could. When they had free time on the weekends, it was spent babysitting younger siblings.

  Carmen was grateful for her friends and, to keep their bond firm, she always made sure they held their monthly meeting without fail. The girl's meetings had become a tradition and offered support in all matters without judgment or hurtful criticism. They had taken oaths promising to keep each other's secrets unless it would cause harm to either themselves or someone else. Finally, Carmen refused to let go of the monthly meeting for her grandfather. He had thought up the idea of the group meeting every month. He recognized Carmen kept her thoughts and feelings inside, as she didn't want to burden others with her needs and wants. Her grandfather thought she would benefit from an outlet, where she felt she could be herself. All the girls had found something of value from their meetings. Most importantly, they had developed unshakable bonds, extended family, and more places to call home.

  On this day the girls were going to acknowledge and celebrate Carmen who turned quince años today. Fifteen was a traditionally significant birthday in Carmen's Latin culture, which celebrated the leaving of childhood behind and becoming a woman. Resources were tight for the Vasquez family; her friends had planned on a modified rendition of the Quinceañera. Carmen had insisted they have a small private gathering of close friend and family instead. But she could see it broke her mother's heart not to be able to give this day to her daughter with all their customs. Carmen conceded and let her family plan the event in their way if it remained small and inexpensive. Many traditional celebrations had been passed over for the sake of running the business and cut back on unnecessary expenses, a decision that was fine with Carmen. If she had her family and closest friends around for this day, Carmen was content. Her mother had had to assume the role of both mother and father, and Carmen always made sure to do everything in her power to lighten her mother's burden whenever she could.

  Her grandfather had always insisted that they attend Sunday Mass every week when he was living. After the service, Carmen would follow him to the store to help him out as they opened every day. Carmen's mother also insisted that they continued to attend mass, out of respect to her father-in-law, her husband, and their religious views. The priest of the local catholic church, Father Joseph, had been friends with Alberto from when they were boys. He was from the same town as her grandfather. Their families had traveled together to the United States; they had grown up in the same neighborhood as Carmen and her siblings. Alberto and Joseph had been, best friends through thick and thin even as Alberto chose to start a family and Joseph entered the priesthood. Father Joseph, had remained very close and had a strong bond with all of Alberto's family, often visiting them to make sure they were okay. He also counseled them when it was needed and provided spiritual support and advice. When he was asked to attend the informal celebration for Carmen and to bless the gifts she would receive, he did not hesitate to agree. The ceremony was simple and sweet. Carmen was equal parts surprised and touched to see how her mother and friends had managed to stay true to their traditions and culture while also incorporating their American traditions into the ceremony. Earlier that morning, her mother had knocked softly on her bedroom door and come in bearing gifts of a beautiful gown that she had sewn herself and a beautiful, but simple tiara for her to wear. She watched through the mirror as her mother got teary-eyed when she tried on the dress.

  "Te ves hermosa, Carmenita." She said. 'You look beautiful, Carmenita.' "Your padre y abuelo would have been so proud of you on this day."

  Carmen held back her tears at the thought of both her father and grandfather not being alive to witness her Quinceanera. She offered a smile to her mother, reaching to grasp her hand in a moment of solidarity, acknowledging their mutual losses. "Gracias mamá por cuidarme siempre." Carmen tearfully responded, quickly wiping her tears away. "¡Estas son lágrimas de Felicidad!" 'Thank you, mama, for always watching out for me. These are tears of happiness.'

  In Carmen's opinion, it was one of the most beautiful Quinceanera's she had ever seen. Each of her girls had brought her gifts as well, each one with a specific significance to the ceremony and the thoughtfulness behind everything brought a fresh wave of tears to Carmen's eyes. Dani presented her with gifts of genuine gold jewelry, most specifically a beautiful charm bracelet with a delicate cross, which signified Gods everlasting love for Carmen. Dani had proudly announced she had purchased the gifts with money she had earned from modeling. Her mother had given her a bible and rosary, pressing them gently but firmly into Carmen's hand with a whispered reminder to always have faith, no matter the circumstance. Nicki rushed forward next to present Carmen with a stunning pair of 5-inch, strap on stilettos! The gorgeous shoes were black patent leather, embedded with crystals that sparkled like diamonds.

  "I know they may be a little much, but I thought, what better way to walk into womanhood but in these beauties! Aren't they amazing?" Nicki excitedly presented the shoes to Carmen, accompanied by a curtsey, bowing of her head, her hands extended supporting the shoes, atop a cushioned satin pillow.

  Carmen's mouth opened and closed momentarily like a fish, at a loss for words. She cleared her throat w
hile looking over Nicki’s bowed head to Sherry and Dani for help, who were hiding barely contained giggles behind downcast eyes and averted faces. Realizing she was on her own while loving Nicki even more for just being her unique self, Carmen held out her arms to her friend.

  "They are amazing! As are you, Nicki! Thank you!"

  Nicki squealed in excitement, hugging Carmen while looking back over her shoulder in the general direction of Dani and Sherry.

  "See Dani, I told you she'd love them!" Dani smiled her brilliant model smile at Nicki, while Sherry jabbed her in the ribs before she could express her true thoughts about the less than appropriate shoes. After more gift-giving from family, it was finally Sherry's turn to present her gift. Sherry stepped forward and held out a stunning muñeca to Carmen. The doll was a gift Carmen's father would have given her, but in his absence, she was being given the muñeca by her oldest friend. Sherry and Carmen's families had known each other for years and were very close. The two girls had formed an immediate bond at a very young age. Sherry had grown into a tall, small waisted, brown-skinned beauty with dark bouncy coiled curls, thick thighs, a perfect round backside, and a full bosom; too thick to be a model like Dani, but with curves that were the envy of many girls in their school, and the fantasy and desire of just as many boys. She seemed so much older than her current fifteen years, especially with the mature intensity with which she looked into Carmen's eyes at that moment. She was giving Carmen a relevant gift of the ceremony. The doll was not a child's toy, but instead a unique replica of a young Latina woman, who also closely resembled Carmen.

  "I know the significance of this gift, and I begged your mom to let me be the one to give it to you," Sherry said, her eyes glinting with tears. She extended the doll to her dearest friend like an offering, and Carmen felt tears roll down her cheeks as she received it. She looked down at the doll, caressing its porcelain cheek.