Becoming Carmen Read online

  Anthony too was going through some inner turmoil of his own. Despite Carmen’s nervous antics, he could feel the power and strength coming off her in waves. From the moment their eyes locked he’d felt it, but when she’d marched up to him and cornered him against the lockers and demanded to know who he was, immediately he was hooked, filled with a desire to know more about this captivating young woman.

  He gave her a confident smirk, “Well, if my state of undress is bothering you, would you mind?” he nodded his head towards the door as in indication that she should leave. “It’s starting to get a bit chilly in here. Unless you were enjoying the view?” he asked teasingly.

  Carmen sputtered on air at the implications of his words. She felt her cheeks become uncomfortably warm, and she fought the urge to press her palms against them to cool them off. “Of course not,” she hissed. “Please finish, undressing or dressing or whatever you were doing,” she stammered the words out still trying to maintain an air of dignity, mentally cringing at her awkwardness.

  They continued to look at each other before a small smile stretched over Anthony’s lips. “Well, are you going to give me some privacy, or…?” he let the question trail off. “Or do you want to watch me strip. I don’t mind, but I thought I’d at least give you a chance to protect your modesty.” He shot a confident smirk at her as his hands went down to the button of his jeans and undid it, going straight for the zipper next.

  Carmen gasped in disbelief and turned around sharply, scandalized. She allowed herself a few deep breaths before marching out of the storeroom with her spine stiff and ramrod straight, the sound of him chuckling following her out of the room.

  “Ma! What the hell is that in our storeroom?” she called as she left.

  Anthony chuckled to himself as the little spitfire marched out of the room. He did not even manage to get her name but, as he smiled to himself, he knew that there was no way he was going to let her out of his grasp. No, that woman was going to be the wife and the mother of his children. His new job just got a hundred times more interesting, and he was determined to make her fall for him. Game on.

  .

  CHAPTER 5

  Anthony Mendez was doing his best to make Carmen Vasquez fall in love with him.

  He always tried to make sure that he came to the store before she did and opened so that when she came in, she would meet him already at the counter smiling at her. He had also taken to leaving small gifts around the shop for her to find. He left flowers; sometimes single stems and other times whole bouquets. He was careful not to get caught stealing flowers from his neighbors’ gardens, so the flowers were a rare gift. Sometimes, he would write her short notes of poetry and pin them in the storeroom where he knew she would find them. The poems were not long odes, professing his love for her; but instead, they were more often, about nature, his thoughts, and dreams, or about something beautiful he had seen. Once, when she had been unaware of him watching, he had seen her wiping away silent tears as she read one of his poems. He had felt the sting of tears at the back of his own eyes at the thought of something he’d written touching her so profoundly as to reach her ever protected heart.

  He knew about her past. Everybody in the neighborhood had heard the stories about the gunslinging señorita who would shoot you dead without batting an eyelid. He knew her experiences as a child were what toughened her leading her to build that protective shell around herself, but he was determined to get past it.

  The gifts that he suspected she liked the most were the small figurines that he would carve for her. He was very good with his hands and enjoyed whittling figures of people and animals, which were small enough for her to hold in her palm. He would stand in an obscure corner and watch her reactions when she found them. She always looked surprised and impressed, making Anthony’s chest filled with pride. He had never told her outright that all the gifts were from him, but who else would they come from? By the time a few weeks had gone by, Anthony was sure that Carmen was warming up to him.

  “Hey, Anthony! Snap out of it! Stop your daydreaming and help me out, please!”

  Anthony startled as he heard Carmen’s voice yelling at him. He could not see her from where he was at the back of the store, meant to be mopping the floors but instead, leaning against the mop handle and gazing dreamily ahead, lost in thought. Her voice was coming from the front of the store; he quickly dropped the mop and rushed to help her.

  When he got to the front, there was no one behind the counter and he looked around in confusion.

  “Carmen?” he called.

  “Down here.”

  He rounded the counter and saw her small frame crouched on the ground behind it, a heavy crate of canned goods was on the floor in front of her and, as he watched, she attempted to lift it, but it was dead weight in her hands.

  “Whoa, there,” he said, rushing forward to help her before she hurt herself. “Hold up! Let me help you out!”

  Carmen stepped aside gladly, more than happy to accept his help. He bent over beside her to lift the crate; she caught a scent of his cologne. It was pleasantly masculine, and grudgingly she found it very enticing. He straightened with the box in his arms, and she hastily spun around, pretending to arrange the items on the shelf, to hide her embarrassment and her deepening infatuation with him.

  “Where do you want these to go?” he asked from behind her.

  She pointed her index finger vaguely in the direction of the storeroom. “Take them over to the storeroom. It’s fine if you leave them on the table, we can unload them later and restock the shelves. That is,” she said hesitantly, looking over her shoulder to watch Anthony nervously, “if you have time to help me with inventory tonight?” she posed it as a question, but she could not hide the hopefulness in her voice.

  She quickly turned back to the shelf to continue fiddling with the items on it. Carmen hated the tone of desperation that she detected in her question, but she did want him to help her with the inventory; partly not wanting to do it alone, but mostly because she wanted Anthony’s company. She dared to sneak another peek at him and almost burst out, laughing at his expression. He looked shocked with his eyes wide and mouth slightly open.

  She started to say something, maybe to take back her offer, but he beat her to it, stammering out a hasty, “Yeah, yes, okay sure. I’m not working tonight. No problem. I can stay as late as you need.”

  Carmen nodded at him with a small smile, and they stood there, looking at each other for a moment.

  “Are you going to take that to the storeroom or…” she gestured to the canned goods in his arms, and he glanced down, only then realizing he was still holding the crate.

  “Uh, yeah right,” he said sheepishly. “I’ll be right back.” He hurried off, and Carmen tried to school her face into a neutral expression before he returned so he would not see the wide grin she was attempting to hide. By the time he’d come back, her face held none of its earlier glee.

  “So,” she started. “You said you weren’t working tonight? What other jobs do you work?” she asked, cocking her head sideways causing her long, thick ponytail to swing gently behind her head. Anthony’s eyes followed the movement distractedly before he dragged his eyes back to her face. It took all his willpower not to reach out and touch, the glossy black strands, but he did not want to scare her with the intensity of his passion for her. He had to remind himself that she was not eighteen yet and still a minor.

  Carmen continued to look at him expectantly, and that was when it registered to Anthony that she had asked a question.

  “I’m sorry, what did you say?” he asked her, rubbing a palm on the back of his neck sheepishly, worried that she would be annoyed that he was not paying attention to her, but she just smiled patiently and repeated the question.

  “I asked if you work at any other jobs besides this one.”

  “Oh,” he said, perking up at her asking a question about his life. “Well, I’m working on call for the California Department of Transportation as
a temp. I’m hoping for permanent work with them soon.”

  When Carmen looked at him, completely perplexed, he smiled and explained further. “You know Caltrans? They manage our public roads, highways, and freeways here in California.”

  Carmen shook her head and shrugged, “I’m sorry, I’m oblivious to politics, governmental agencies and what they do- all that kind of stuff. But it sounds important, I guess.”

  “Oh, no, girl,” Anthony looked at her with a horrified expression on his face. “We need to address that real quick. You are nearing eighteen and one hell of a businesswoman. Anyone can see that you are running this store and keeping it open. I think you should try to learn more about governmental and political structures and hierarchy. One day you are going to need the knowledge for business loans, expansion loans to improve on the store, plans-”

  “Okay, okay, I get it,” Carmen cut him off, putting her hands over her ears but still smiling, so Anthony knew she was not angry. “I sucked at political science in school, it was just so boring,” she rolled her eyes as she said this. “My friend, Sherry, is always telling me the same thing, please don’t start as well!”

  Anthony nodded. “Fine,” he said, smiling and indulging her. “Well, to finish up what I was saying, my uncle got me in the door at Caltrans, and I’ve been trying to take everything they’re giving and keep myself at the forefront of everyone’s minds when they start hiring full-time again.”

  Carmen nodded, moved at his tenacity and perseverance. She raised a brow, “Wow, I’m impressed. It sounds like you know what you want.”

  Anthony paused, debating to himself how to reply to her statement. She was dead on correct; he did know what he wanted, and she was it. He cleared his throat and lowered his thickly fringed lids to try to mask the intensity of what he was about to say. “Yes, Carmen, I know exactly what I want.” He paused for dramatic effect and then continued. “And I rarely lose.”

  Carmen felt a tingle run through her entire body at his words, causing her to shiver slightly. Anthony was not like any of the teenage boys she saw at the high school every day. He was a man, and he excited her. She had always known that she had to be with someone older than herself. Her soul was too old to be with a boy her age.

  “I see,” she replied, as she cleared her throat. “Well, that’s admirable.” She extended her hand out to him. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you earlier. I’m grateful for all your help around here. We appreciate it.”

  Anthony stood for a moment, staring at Carmen’s petite fingers. Careful not to grab too eagerly, he shook her hand. “It’s my pleasure, Carmen,” he replied softly, looking her in the eyes. He held her hand for a moment longer than was necessary then gently dropped it, turning around and heading back to the discarded mop. “We’ve got work to do,” he called to her from over his shoulder. “I’ll take you home after.”

  Carmen watched him disappear behind the isles and turned back to the counter, reaching under it to bring out a small ballerina figurine that he had left for her on the storeroom table. Holding it tightly to her chest, she smiled to herself and thought, ‘Yup, I think I’ve met my match.’

  CHAPTER 6

  Anthony finally worked up the nerve to ask Carmen out on a date a few weeks later. Before he did so, he went to her mother, and humbly asked her if he could take her daughter out. Her mother had smiled softly at him and said, "There's nobody else I would trust my Carmenita with," and it filled him with pride and responsibility. She had known Anthony's parents for a few years now and, while he was away on active duty, his mother and Carmen's had become good friends.

  For their first date, he took them out for a picnic at Griffith Park. They sat under a huge oak tree; whose leaves rustled in the gentle breeze. Anthony had provided a picnic basket filled with sandwiches and delicious pastries. He'd noticed Carmen had a love for small cakes, as he'd see her studying with them next to her half-eaten often enough. The day was perfectly overcast, with beautiful cloud formations and hints of blue skies and sun rays peeking through.

  "Why are you interested in me?" Carmen asked bluntly. They had finished eating earlier and decided to take a walk, ending up sitting on a bench, straddling it, and facing each other. "Don't you know who I am? I'm the gunslinging senorita who will-"

  "Yeah, I know- shoot you dead without batting an eyeball," Anthony cut her off, rolling his eyes.

  Carmen couldn't help but giggle lightly. "It's without batting an eyelid, not an eyeball, silly," she corrected him and gave a grudging smile.

  He raised his hand and slowly touched the side of her face, only letting his fingers graze her cheek and the smile on Carmen's face fell as she pulled away, recoiling from the intimacy. She looked in his eyes hesitantly, and he gave her a half-smile, reassuring her that he meant no harm. She leaned forward slowly, resting her cheek in his still outstretched palm, and he stroked her cheek with his thumb.

  "I know how the saying goes," he started, trying to keep his voice light. "Doesn't mean a thing to me," he shrugged his shoulders, stating firmly, and Carmen's eyes widened slightly. "I see you, Carmen. I may not completely understand you yet, but I see you. That label is not who you are; it's just about something you did."

  "Doesn't the thing I did help to define and shape who I am?" she asked softly, and Anthony had to smile. 'Such a smart, insightful woman,' he thought to himself. He took a deep breath, wondering how to explain what he wanted to say correctly.

  "I bet you didn't know I enlisted in the military for four years," he started, lightly, chuckling at the surprise on Carmen's face as she shook her head. He was now the first man she'd ever personally known to come back alive from active duty.

  "While I was there," he continued, "I saw a lot of shit. Unbelievable shit. After I got out, it took a while, but I swore not to let any of the things I saw and even some things I had to do define me negatively. Instead, I was going to take advantage of the things I learned from it. I hate guns. But I do believe that they're a necessary evil. They allow us an opportunity to protect ourselves and those we love."

  Carmen sucked in a breath and nodded softly, "That's what my grandfather believed too."

  "And that's what he taught you also, isn't it?" he asked.

  "Yes."

  "You define who you are, Carmen. You write your own story and decide on your destination. Yes, your actions will speak louder than you sometimes, but all that means is that you have to change or improve on them."

  Carmen sat quietly, wide-eyed, and stunned at the simplicity of his words. He was saying that she didn't have to carry the weight of her past like a burden. Instead, she could use it and become whoever she wanted. Unbeknownst to Carmen, her every thought and emotion was reflected on her face, and Anthony sat and watched in quiet awe until her expressions suddenly darkened.

  "What about all the people who know about your past actions?" she asked. "What if they keep holding those actions against you to keep you down?"

  "Then your future actions need to be bigger and more impressive than your past," he shrugged. "Then you keep growing, keep moving forward, and keep becoming Carmen, whoever that is going to be."

  "I think there's always going to be people who won't let me forget my past as long as I live here," she said sadly, looking down.

  Anthony cupped her chin and tilted her head up looking at her fiercely. "You can't run from your past; it always catches up. You have a legacy that was created by your grandpa. You have so much more opportunity than you even know of."

  Carmen sat for a moment, soaking up his words. Spontaneously, she threw her arms around his neck, catching him off guard. "Thanks," she whispered, face tucked into his neck. "For opening my eyes to another way of looking at my situation."

  She pulled back from the hug and looked at him for a moment before surprising him again by leaning forward and kissing him hastily. It was sloppy, wet and inexperienced, and Anthony was the one to retreat this time; not because he didn't want to kiss her, but because he was tempted to
reach for her again and teach her how to kiss properly. He didn't want to frighten her away with the intensity of his passion for her. And she was beginning to trust him. Instead, he gently rubbed his thumb across her lower lip.

  Carmen sucked in a breath, anticipating a kiss that didn't come as he dropped his hand from her face slowly. She felt some disappointment, but her respect for him increased. They spent the next few hours just talking, nibbling on some snacks that remained from the picnic and getting to know each other.

  He was five years older than her, which she already knew. He told her about being in foster care and about his wonderful adoptive parents who took him in when he was eight. He didn't speak Spanish fluently like Carmen, but he understood quite a bit. He had gotten himself into some trouble as a teenager, but he saw how much he hurt his parents and straightened himself up. When he turned eighteen, he'd enlisted in the army, putting in four years before coming back home. His time in the military matured him fast, and although he didn't enjoy using guns, he had a healthy respect for them and kept up his skills at the gun range. He had seen enough violence while he was on active duty and didn't have any interest in joining law enforcement like several of his military buddies had. Instead, his goals were set on Caltrans, which would supply steady work with excellent benefits.

  Carmen opened up, and shyly shared her life's goals with him. She revealed her plans to keep the shop running and how much it meant to her family. He listened to her talk about her dreams and frowned as he noticed a pattern to them.

  "I want to get my sisters through college; fashion design for Rosa and veterinary school for Luisa. And, of course, mama deserves to retire in comfort with no more worries. I also have a few dreams for the future of the store…"

  "And what about you?" Anthony gently interrupted. "What does Carmen want for herself?"

  She looked at him in confusion, eyebrows furrowed. He leaned forward, gently tapping two fingers on her chest. "In here, baby. What do you want just for you?"